Nada Duele Mas Que Estar Asi

I've been blind sighted for so long. What I thought was real was nothing but a facade. A good front that was put up and believed. One of my biggest fears is living a lie and I feel that that is exactly what has happened. I've been living in this lie believing something that wasn't really real. I can't say that I am completely shocked to figure this out, but I wish I would've been wrong. It would've been less hurtful and less humiliating. Cause all in all, that is what I feel, humiliated. I tried so hard to defend my feelings and to prove them to people. Now it turns out that those people were right all along. There's nothing else I can do but put my head down when I am told "I told you so."

Even though I learned so much from this experience, more than I thought I was going to, I wish it never would've happened cause now, I'm more lost than I ever was.

Salam.

Currently listening to: Where I Stood-Missy Higgins

All I needed was a call...

Lost and insecure. That's how I feel right now. Where do I fit in? Who am I really? What makes me stand out from everyone else? Do I even exist in this place we call society? Who do I want to be? What makes me want to be? Who really cares for me? Who will be there for me when I need to be taken to the hospital? Who will be my guide? Who will care enough to take time off from their own schedule to help me out? Who really loves me?

All of these a bunch of questions that I can't seem to find answers to. I'm left lost and insecure.

later...

Currently listening to: Digale-David Bisbal

A Youth Always In Love

When it comes to love, how do we show it?

Simply saying "I love you" doesn't mean it's true. There is more to love than just words. There is action and reaction. Lately, I've been trying to tell the people I love how much I love and appreciate them. But I am now realizing that saying it is not enough. In order for people to really understand my feelings I need to show it, with actions. So I vow to show my loved ones, with actions, how much I really do care for them, how much I appreciate them, and how glad I am that they are part of my lives.

Ciao...

Currently listening to: El Desprecio-Aventura

Comfort late at night...

If I could be anything in the world I would be a photographer. Unfortunately, I'm not that great at photography but it is a passion of mine. I took this picture at Rockefeller Center. I wanted to capture the beauty of these tulips and lucky for me the weather was perfect.

Photography and music are my outlets. I can forget about real life and live in a complete different world from my own. Music especially is like an escape for me. When I want to forget or ignore something, I put on my headphones and head to paradise; my paradise.

To take photographs is like being able to tell a story in a picture. When a photograph is taken, nothing is known but what is captured. Anyone can make an inference as to what the photograph means and its open for interpretation. Each person will obviously have a different outlook and that's what makes it beautiful. If i take a photograph of a tree, it can simply mean a tree to some, but to others it can have a deeper meaning. If its a bare tree photographed in black and white, it would remind me of loneliness and I would think it also refers to some form of serenity. The beauty of photography is that you can interpret it many ways.

ART IS MY WAY OUT!! lol

Toodles...

Currently listening to: Something to Believe In-Aqualung

Mantengo la esperanza

Hello All,

Have I mentioned that I was laid off. I know--it sucks! But i'm getting over it. Hopefully I can find a job soon because I hate being home all the time. It makes me feel unproductive and like a plague to society. How could people enjoy being unemployed and living under mommy's roof? It makes me sick to my stomach. I guess it's cause ever since I was legally allowed to work that's what I've been doing--working.

Besides that, I'm listening to some music. I was trying to add a play list to this blog but I'm having a little bit of trouble. Any ideas? I would greatly appreciate your help!

Well I'm off...Later

Currently listening to: Bottle it Up-Sara Bareilles

First Blog

Hello everyone!

This is my first blog as you can probably tell. Hopefully I can entertain everyone with some of my stuff but I really am doing this as a way to express myself. My friend also helped by telling me about this place.

I'll usually write about my feelings, i love music so I'm sure I'll put some song lyrics on here. I don't know, whatever I'm in the mood for.

Toodles...